- Buy a dog, name him ‘Stay’, and then say, “Come here, Stay.”
- Make a cardboard sign that says, “Not homeless. Have a job. Just saying hello.” and then stand on a street corner
- One dress in Gorilla, other banana. Chase one another in public place.
- Pour blue Gatorade into an empty Windex bottle. Spray it in your mouth in public.
- Have dinner with a homeless person
- Paint a propane tank to look like a giant Lego head
- Buy a McDonald’s “Happy Meal”. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away.
- Call Progressive. Ask why your insurance did not come in a box.
- Go to Petsmart and buy birdseed. Ask the clerk how long it’ll take for the birds to grow.
- Place duct tape over cracks in the road for “community service”
- Place sunglasses on a dessert of your choice to make sure “it’s completely cool.”
- Place Cheerios in a bag and then try to sell people “Donut seeds”
- Buy Calendar. Write “Shufflin” on every day (“er’day I’m shuffling” – LMFAO)
- Make Vanilla Pudding. Put in Mayo Jar. Eat in public.
- Wear a shirt that says “Life” and hand out lemons to people
- Tie matchbox cars to the bottom of a cat’s foot.
- Place a desk on elevator. When the doors open, ask people if they have an appointment
- Go to McDonalds, order a happy meal with “extra happy”
- Go to the pet store, buy a fish, take it for a walk. In a tank, of course. Tie it to skateboard, pull it around.
- Sell lemonade. In Walmart.
- Try and catch pudding in your mouth being thrown from a three story balcony
- Dress up like a hawk and have your date dress up like a rabbit. Have her jump out first; jump out later, trying to land as close to them as possible.
- Write love letters to each other, put them in envelopes, and put them inside mailboxes of people you don’t know.
- Speak only through “Confucius say” jokes.
- Go to a costume store and try on superhero and super villain costumes; have a Grand Epic Battle in the store.
- Invent a secret language only you two will ever be able to comprehend.
- Write a song together and perform it using kitchen items.
- Using desktop items, create sculptures professing your love.
- Pretend you are a celebrity couple. Fuse your names together (like “Brangelina”) and write fake news articles detailing “crises”–like one of you accidentally watched a movie with another actress in it and not your celeb spouse, oh no!
- Go onto a forum and try to force a totally inane and inept meme.
- Play Dirty Monopoly (no, not like that!). It’s where you can use any means at your disposal to get ahead: steal money or “hire” people to burn their houses. Play this in a public area, where conflict will get weird stares.
- Take pictures of people in the street; argue over whose are better.
- Create groundless mathematical rules, theories, or laws.
- Forge documents that say you are both certified in a given field, argue in public over a made-up principle and wave your “degrees” around, claiming they are the only proof you need.
- Dress up like pirates, and have a huge battle between ships in the Seven Seas. Only the ships are grocery carts, the battle is fought with plungers, and the Seven Seas are a parking lot.
- Pretend you’re married, find a person with a baby, offer to buy the baby for something absurd, like fifty cents and a paperclip.
- The Stay-Awake Game. Who can stay awake the longest? Start on a Tuesday.
- Turn on a fan and put a blank canvas opposite it. Throw paint into the fan so that it blows onto the canvas, thus creating homebrew modern art–together! Plus, it’s probably fun.
- Dress up as a character that exists in both anime and manga form, with no visible differences. Go to an associated convention and argue which of you is better, but rarely ever state you consider yourselves different incarnations of the same character. (WARNING: Cosplay can be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS and should ONLY be attempted by PROFESSIONALS.)
- Go to a death metal show as emos.
- In fact, go ANYWHERE as emos.
- Insist that your waiter at a restaurant bring you “fun-sized” iterations of your food.
- Go to a baseball game as fans of a team that either is not playing the in the game or is from a completely different sport AND whose town doesn’t have a team playing in the game.
- While at that baseball game, try to get on the HUGE SCREEN. When you finally do, have her slap you hard and then storm out of the ballpark. Take out your cellphone and pretend to dial 911.
- Cross-dress and act overly in love in very public areas.
- Carry a steak around everywhere. Have her carry a meat cleaver.
- Dress up as a nebula, planet, or asteroid (NOT A COMET), and have her carry a telescope. Call her Messier.
- Walk up to a drive-thru window and say that it’s okay because there’s two of you.
- Invent a video game; act it out entirely outdoors, in public. Speak in ludicrous voices.
- See who can scream “It’s over 9000!” the loudest.
- Have a debate. a HEATED debate. One is pro- and one is anti-. Problem is, you’re talking about two completely unrelated subjects that sound close in name. Like astronomy and astrology, or physics and quantum physics (so those examples are kinda related. Whatever.).
- Paint a wall red. When the wall begins to dry, paint it some more. (Who gets the reference?)
- Have her be a crazy cat lady, and you dress up like a cat. She thinks you are about fifty cats. Action!
- Use your cardboard or woodworking skills or something to make your cars look like paper airplanes. Attach fake projectile weapons to the front and wage war in an empty parking lot.
- One of you is Roosevelt (Kennedy) (Nixon) and the other is Hitler (Khrushchev) (Frost). Go. Go publicly. Go publicly now. (?)
- Carry long poles around with you everywhere. When you need to step over a tiny object, don’t. Vault it instead.
- Roll out a long red carpet, which is the only thing your date will walk on. While she does, bow down to her. Then switch roles.
- Write a rap song together that features only human beatboxes.
- Find two tall buildings that are side-by-side of which it’s possible to get to their roofs. Bring harmless dart guns and wage a grand shootout battle atop the city.
- Go to a chicken farm. Or chicken museum.
- Get a haircut together. However, you both have two halves of one whole hairstyle! Walk around side-by-side for the rest of the day.
- Superglue/handcuff your hands together. Throw the solvent/key into a lake. Find an alternate way of getting out of your situation.
- Pretend you don’t know each other, but not for the benefit of others. One of you is just you and the other is a creepy stalker. Have fun. Move the furniture around.
- Use one of your houses or apartments to have a huge airgun battle.
- Become experts on a historical event. Thing is, it really had no impact on much of anything, this event.
- Adopt a bunch of George W Bush’s mannerisms (“the Internets”, “nuke-you-lar”, “misunderestimate”), but don’t dress up like him.
- Pretend you’re aristocrats.
- Take pictures of people and create backstories for them, as well as stories in the present tense.
- Get a large amount of tubes and connect them, stretching for out of the house you happen to be in. Write “Internet” (it’s up to you if you want to add the extra “s”–see above) on most of the tubes and attach one end to a computer.
- Spread vicious rumors about each other on forums and Twitter.
- Use book titles as exclamations, whether they could be or not. (“Great Gatsby!” “Ender’s Game!” “Watership Down!” “Player Piano!”)
- Instigate a rebellion in the People’s Republic of China. Extra points if the radicals are pro-American, and at least thirty government casualties occur. If it lasts for more than three days, well, China is probably officially like World War I’s Balkans–a powder keg.
- Use words like “italics”, “underline”, and “bold” in speech to indicate the listener should add that to your otherwise monotone words.
- Use food to do common household chores.
- Write documents only in leet or Lolspeak.
- Try to trade somebody a paperclip for their house.
- Reveal your new “world-changing invention” to the public: the light bulb.
- Whenever you get your pictures taken, always make the “duck face” as if the pictures were going to go on your MySpace profiles.
- Over-exaggerate for each other, without being sarcastic. (“Ooh! Look at how strong he is! He can lift a styrofoam cup like it’s italics nothing end italics!”)
- Profess your love the only way truly possible in today’s world: Make a t-shirt on CafePress with your names on it.
- Dress up like Rambo, have a swordfight.
- Invent an urban legend.
- Eat while swimming in a public pool.
- Dress a dog up like a squirrel and chase it.
- Eat ice cream while singing show tunes and dancing the Hokey Pokey.
- Use chicken fat to grease something.
- Use eggs to prop things up/open.
- Overthrow the British monarchy and establish a new government that isn’t anarchistic.
- Refer to all politicians as “Mr. Gorbachev”.
- Watch old B-movies just to make fun of them.
- Enroll in a clown college.
- Go on an “expedition” to find some candy. Wear relevant hats.
- Go to a movie, and sniff the backs of the heads of the people in front of you through the entire film.
- Pretend like you have amnesia and she has to create a story for you, trying to fill in your memory.
- Color on yourselves with crayons.
- Shout random, obviously incorrect facts at each other and other people.
- When there’s a rainbow, do everything in your power to race to the end. (Which is impossible, mind you.)
- Take a long expedition down the road. Pack as if you’re ready for a year-long trek.
- Go to dinner and order inane foods, like “Jimmy Carter pizzas” and “large hadron burgers”.
- Have the entire date in a chat room.
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